Red - I love you. Deep Red - I’m in love with you. Pink - I could stay on your blog for hours. Yellow - You’re amazing. Peach - I miss you. Blue - I want to get to know you. Purple - You’re hot. Brown - I would fuck you. Green - I would date you. Black - I hate you. White - Delete your tumblr. Violet - Go die.
I’m going to compile a little list of things that customers do consistently to irritate me and my co-workers.
- You hand me a twenty and I mark it. “Just made it fresh this morning.” Cool story bro.
- You hand me a twenty and I mark it. “Why did you mark that??!” Why, are you offended?
- “Fine, I’ll just go to Walmart.” You say that like I care.
- “All of these questions. This is really annoying. No, I don’t want to sign up for your store program. I just want to get out of here… no offense to you or anything.” Too late, asshole.
- People who throw their money onto the counter instead of handing it to me. It’s usually men. I try not to judge but I’m going to go ahead and assume you’re a misogynist and think you’re better than everyone else.
- People who think our store program is a government conspiracy to track everything they buy. Guess what? THEY ALREADY DO.
- “Do you work here?”
- I made a comment to a co-worker the other day about a sudden rush of people coming through our only two open lines. Customer huffs at me, “Those people pay your wages.” Excuse me? Unless you’re 6’2” Mexican guy, I wasn’t talking to you.
- “You look like you’re busy,” while I’m standing in front of my lane.
- Screaming children.
- Customer swipes card before I even ring up an item. Then they’re frustrated at the end of the transaction when they have to slide their card again.
- I tell them, “This coupon is expired,” or “This coupon isn’t valid until tomorrow.” They say, “Oh you’re KIDDING me!” Yes. I’m fucking kidding. I’m just messing with you. I know you’re illiterate so I take advantage of the fact.
- “I’m telling you there is a BIG sign back there that says they’re on sale for $x.xx.” Right. I’ll just take your word for it without asking someone on the floor to check.
This could go on, but I actually have to go to work now. Bye bye!